Jesuit Jokes Part 1

Jesuits are known for their creative liturgy. What is the only thing that doesn't change when a Jesuit says Mass? A. The bread and the wine.

A Jesuit is driving down the street and is preoccupied by planning his homily. He rear-ends the car in front of him and gets out of the car to check the damage and apologize. He approaches the driver of the other car, "oh, I'm so sorry! It was my fault!" A Franciscan gets up out of the car and the two are very apologetic. He turns to the Jesuit, "Oh, Father, it's my fault! I'm so sorry." The Jesuit looks at the Franciscan who is shaking a little bit: "Oh, I'm sorry. You're shaking. Here have a drink to calm your nerves." The Jesuit pulls out a flask and the Franciscan accepts gratefully. The Jesuit encourages him further: "Oh Father, please have another drink." The Franciscan had another drink: "Thank you so much. I was very nervous. Why don't you have a drink with me." The Jesuit smiled back at him: "not until the police get here!"

A Jesuit, Franciscan, Benedictine, and Dominican are staying at a retreat house when the power goes out in the Church. It's just after dark and there's not much to do, so the Franciscans get up and start playing their guitars. The Dominicans think it's finally the end of the world and start preaching about the parousia. The Benedictines fall prostrate and plead for God's mercy. The Jesuits look at each other through the dim light of the altar candles and roll their eyes. One gets up: "ok I'll go change the fuse this time!"

A Franciscan dies and goes to Heaven. He waits patiently in line at the Pearly Gates and notices a fellow priest in front of him. The two exchange pleasantries and the Franciscan discovers his new friend is a Jesuit. Finally the time comes for the Jesuit's number to be called. The Gates open, a choir of angels sings the Gloria, and Francis Xavier, Peter Canisius, Peter Faber, and Ignatius Loyola himself come out to greet the Jesuit. "Wow," the Franciscan thinks to himself. His number is called and nothing happens. The Gates don't even open. After a few minutes he hears a muffled: "Father, come. Come." He is surprised to see a Franciscan poking his head out of a side door. After a fashion, he walks over and asks the Friar: "How come I don't have any heavenly choirs or appearances by Francis himself?" The Friar responds: "Well we have men like you come everyday. It's not everyday we see a Jesuit!"